THERAPY = WEEK TWO

Because of tiredness, I have not posted my daily blogs. So, this is a weekly update rather than a daily.

My second week of psychotherapy has just finished, so how is it going?

A mixture of good and less good. My failure to post the daily blogs was owing to extreme tiredness due to nightly disturbed sleep. The little handymen who work the night shift in my brain, sorting through all my daily experiences and emotions and storing them away, have been so busy that their noise has kept me awake or awakened me. Either that or because they think I pay them too little and grumble all night. They tend to grumble easily, although I can't blame them because this is what infancy taught them to do.

Anyway, whatever the reason, I have been getting little sleep, and therapy has been pretty tasking in one way or another. You have the mixed-up jumble of your own emotions and those of other people to deal with. PHEW! Some people dominate the time more than others (am I one of those?). Which can be pretty frustrating (or am I just a bad-tempered mean narcissistic person?). Do I say something about this or keep my mouth shut = confused/frightened and, of course, keep my mouth shut (the coward I am and always was)!

After all, that is not one of the reasons I am in therapy, is it? Keeping my mouth shut? Being the coward. Afraid to show me, be myself? The reason I don't know myself? The reason I have not managed to be successful as an artist or anything else?

Of course not! Or?

Not the cause of some anger I feel inside that scares the living daylights out of me.

No, of course not! It couldn't possibly be!

Aren't I the sweet little boy extensively trained in silently taking beatings and humiliations? Wears them proudly like medals as I soldier on to war and the next battle of life without a peep (which cannot be why the handymen in my head grumble and keep me awake at night, can it?).

GRUMBLE GRUMBLE

Mind you, psychotherapy can also frustratingly drag its feet when it comes down to the theme change. Sticking to the old and ignoring much of the crucial findings discovered during recent years in brain research. In my opinion, one of the most significant failings of psychotherapy.

There is also little real space for those trapped waves of anger within.

GRUMBLE GRUMBLE